How do I sexually satisfy my wife if I can't last very long?
Q:I am a 25-year-old married man. I recently talked to my wife and told her to be honest with me whether it hurt my feelings or not. She was honest with me and my feelings are now hurt.
I asked her why she avoids having sex with me. She told me my penis could be a couple of inches longer and she feels rushed when we have sex because I donít last very long. I know she loves me and I love her too. These things she has said hurt me deep down. I guess I already knew, but to hear them from her makes it hard to feel confident. I learned of these things after she agreed to masturbate in front of me. When I saw her please herself better than I could, these questions arose, along with her answers to them. I donít have a problem getting and keeping an erection but I do have a problem coming too fast. I know I canít change my penis size, but is there anything else I can do to last longer?
A:While the answer to your last question, can you learn to last longer, is yes, I think what you have to do first is learn how to please your wife without using your penis. There are two reasons for this. The first is that a majority of women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone, no matter how long her partner can maintain his erection or the size of his penis, because she doesnít get sufficient clitoral stimulation from intercourse to trigger the orgasmic response. The second reason is that if you do learn to give your partner orgasms while not having intercourse, it will take some of the pressure off of learning how to maintain your erections, and so make it easier to develop this skill.
So the first thing you need to do is have your wife give you some lessons on how to give her orgasms using your fingers or your mouth or your big toe. Follow her instructions, take whatever time is required, and Iím sure youíll be able to make her climax. Once youíve learned how to do that, get yourself a book that includes instructions on how to overcome premature ejaculation. If it turns out that you canít learn what to do on your own, then youíll have to go see a sex therapist. But thereís a good chance that you will be successful. Of course even if youíre not, since your wife will be getting sexual satisfaction whenever you make love, at least you wonít be leaving her sexually frustrated, which is the most important thing.